Groups That Last – Part 3
About This Series: Groups That Last
Too many small groups start with energy but fade within months—not because people are tired of community, but because they’re starving for spiritual depth. This series is about rethinking how we design and lead groups. Whether you’re a pastor, group leader, or just passionate about creating meaningful community, Groups That Last will give you a framework to build groups that are personal, purpose-driven, and built to multiply.Read the series:
The Key Rhythms Every Healthy Small Group Needs
I’ve been in the shoes of a small group leader who really wants the group to thrive—but ends up exhausted. You’re showing up and doing what you think you’re supposed to do—but something still feels off. If you’ve ever struggled to lead a balanced small group, you’re not alone.
What I’ve found over and over again is this: most leaders care deeply. They want to lead well. They even have a whole backpack full of tools their church has given them—studies, videos, conversation guides. But when it’s time to lead, they reach for the same tool every time. Not because they’re lazy—but because no one gave them a better rhythm to work with.
That’s exactly how the Four Pillars were born.
Burnout, Repetition, and the Backpack Full of Tools
At my church Hoboken Grace, we started noticing that our group leaders were feeling tired—and not just because of schedules. They were doing good things. Showing up. Leading discussion. Facilitating community. But something felt… stale.
What we realized was that most of them were using the same tool every week. Not because they lacked options—we’d given them plenty of resources to create a balanced small group. But it was like they had a backpack full of tools and just kept using the hammer. Same format. Same rhythm. Same result.
That’s when our lead pastor, Chris High, asked a game-changing question:
“If you could design the perfect month of group life, what would you want people to experience?”
We stepped back and named what we hoped every group would offer:
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A space to invite people in.
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An opportunity to express who we are and worship Him.
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A chance to apply what we’re learning together.
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A place to encourage and support one another on our own spiritual journey.
That led to one of the most productive planning sessions we’ve ever had—and out of that conversation, the Four Pillars were born.
Four Rhythms for Leading a Balanced Small Group
These four rhythms became the answer to burnout and imbalance. They gave leaders a framework that’s structured enough to give direction, but flexible enough to adapt to their group’s season. These are the core experiences we want each group to hit over the course of a month.
1. Connecting Nights
These nights are all about strengthening relationships inside and outside the group. Sometimes it’s as simple as a fun night together. Other times it’s a hangout designed to include new people. The goal: build belonging.
Why it matters:
Fellowship and evangelism are flexed here. When people feel safe, they open up spiritually. This is how we go from inclusion to intimacy.
2. Communion
The word communion means “the act of sharing together”. These are your spiritual depth nights that allow our souls to come together—sharing testimonies, taking communion, praying together, or engaging in worship.
Why it matters:
These moments build intimacy with God and one another. They often become the most meaningful memories in a group’s life.
3. Common Growth
Growing together through discussion based on Sunday’s teaching, a book, or a Bible study. This is the group’s shared learning time.
Why it matters:
Discipleship deepens when people discover truth together and plan how we can apply what we just learned. We also feel safer knowing we’re not walking alone in this—because we’re better together.
4. Personal Growth
Helping each person reflect on and take next steps in their personal relationship with God.
Why it matters:
It’s rare that what’s being taught on Sunday or in a book will capture everything an individual needs to experience. This is how you make space for discipleship at a personal level.
So, How Do You Use Them?
We coach leaders to plan in pencil.
You’re not doing all four every week—but most groups naturally hit one or two each night. The rhythm that works best is aiming to experience each pillar once per month. That monthly rhythms helps create balanced small groups that grow in every direction. Over a season (like our 10-week launch plan), the pillars help build habits that don’t just grow individuals—they sustain whole communities.
What About Flexibility?
Some leaders worry that this feels like too much structure. I get that. But I’d argue that what most leaders are craving isn’t less structure—it’s a framework that frees them up to lead with confidence.
This isn’t about programming. It’s about helping your group experience all five purposes of the Christian life: Worship, Connect, Learn, Serve, and Share. When those are happening consistently—your group won’t just survive. It will become a deeply balanced small group that lasts. It will thrive. And it will multiply.
Because groups that embrace all four pillars don’t just last a semester.
They last a lifetime.
Wrapping Up the Series
The truth is, healthy groups don’t just happen. They’re built—intentionally, patiently, and prayerfully.
My hope is that this series gave you a new lens, a better framework, and a fresh passion for building groups that don’t just meet—but multiply.
Because the Church doesn’t grow on stages. It grows in living rooms. In quiet conversations. In circles of people who choose to grow together.
Small groups aren’t just a strategy—they’re the Church at its most personal and powerful.
Let’s keep building groups that last.
💬 Discussion Questions for You and Your Team
Use these questions with your co-leaders, coaches, or fellow pastors to reflect on how you can apply the Four Pillars in your own context:
1. Which of the Four Pillars comes most naturally to you as a leader—and which one do you tend to neglect? How could your group benefit from more balance over the next month?
2. Think about your last few group nights—have they felt more like routine or intentional rhythm? What small adjustment could you make to create more purpose each week?
3. How could you equip or encourage other leaders in your church to start planning with the Four Pillars in mind? What tools, language, or examples might help them catch the vision?
